the conclusion to the 'sometimes it all comes together....sometimes it all falls apart' blogs - would not be a complete picture of my true feelings from last weekend and into this - without the 'sometimes it all falls apart' bit.
The negatives, the downside.
Not to be dwelt upon, but unless expressed and dealt with satisfactorily, just remain, like an open sore, with the danger of the infection spreading.
Self censorship and integrity (what me?) prevent me at the moment from typing some stuff.
Well they don't prevent me from typing any old shit :-) - but they do seem to come to the fore upon the re-read and edit buttons before that 'submit to blogger' button is pressed.
How does one say what one needs to say, in an honest and true (as one sees it) manner, without pointing fingers, or shouldering blame onto others?
How do you convey what to you is plain as day, when others seem totally oblivious, or just seem to be looking in the opposite direction?
I guess when you are in a position of some trust and responsibility within an organisation or community or other group of individuals, then you await the right moment to say what you feel needs to be said. To get it off your chest.
Timing is everything, one does not want to expend all the emotion and energy just blasting all and sundry like a machine gun with your frustrations, fears and gripes.
Though we all do that sometimes, whoever is in the firing line gets hit.......
Usually those closest to us, the ones we love.
Boy i think this is going to be a long post, but I need a space to begin the process, and this is it....
Now, the 'righteous' part of me (oh no!) - says come back at these issues with one big weapon - LOVE.
But not the wishy washy sentimental bull that passes for love on Valentines day (though this is one special day for me as the Mrs Jules just happened to be born on that day, which is sweet irony in this context)........
Not the 'I love you, you love me, oh how happy we can be' ding a ling sing a ling stuff.....
This thing that I am calling LOVE and want to use to come back at 'sometimes it all falls apart' is a mixture of tender and tough. Tender hearted but tough minded. A love that tries to understand and offers up compassion, forgiveness - but also cries out for action and change.
It is a LOVE RE-ACTION.
I like that phrase.... a call to deal with actions (and sometimes lack of them), and consequences head on, to face them, and before they do real damage, and absorb them into grace.
But love does not mean that we leave it at that.
Love calls us to remember. To try to work towards not making the mistakes made last time, being made again. And again.
Love calls us not to bury our heads in the sand, but to lift them high, and offer up the other cheek.
With the danger of being struck again, yes, but also offering up the possibility that that action or LOVE-Re-Action - in a moment completely alters the picture.
"Feelings are much stronger than thoughts" I remember hearing that some time ago, and something leapt in the heart, a palpitation......
It is so true, sometimes thoughts can just not form themselves into words that you want to speak, but feelings, they often bypass the thought process completely and they are revealed in their raw state - a dangerous process that seems to be in built into the human DNA.
Have you never acted on impulse? Hit out without thinking.....
But all great art manages to combine these raw feelings, with thought and craft to produce much more than words can ever say.
So what I should really do is that maybe - paint a picture, write a song or a poem, or just dance.
Watch my moves baby, I got some real new colours in the paintbox too.
So, I will conclude with these words to what came and went as greenbelt 2008 - Rising Sun.....
You.... are nothing
That is, until you assemble yourself into gathering
Where then, your eyes open
And your colours explode
When space....time, opens up
And the veil that thinly separates, is truly stretched to near-transparency
Your work has begun
For another year
You exist to create rooms, with windows and doors
That we fill, and walk through, and gaze out out of, and in to
Where we get kissed, surprised, bothered, embraced.
And we dance as if dancing is all we were born to do.